Dec 31, 2009

you enter my car
dressed like a hippie sailor
you are wearing a white shirt
blue stripes and a coral pendant

i paid earlier today for overpriced gasoline
coffee and chocolate donuts
i know you like them
i like them too

we hit the road and talked about hot air balloons
and near death experiences
we clenched our fists down the desert
bullet straight on las vegas avenue

0n a 34th storey window
a light was lit
yet we continued our way through
as the neon light holocaust
embraced your bedroom eyes

we passed a huge white limousine
and gave them middle finger treatment
the traffic light turned red
as the speed gauge reached 100 miles

love is a disgusting thing
but, you're shy and still nineteen
i've seen the lion's teeth in deep sleep
and i'm doing no wrong with such things

i don't care about health care
and you're at the right age to die young
i got illusions but you got too
i still have faith and you should have too

this coffee tastes sweeter now
i know you like it
i like you too

Dec 29, 2009

MMIX

My favorite records 0f 2009.

A Place To Bury Strangers - Exploding Head
Bat For Lashes - Two Suns
Brand New - Daisy
Cold Cave - Love Comes Close
Converge - Axe To Fall
Cult Ritual - S/T
Defeater - Travels
Former Ghosts - Fleurs
Lewd Acts - Black Eye Blues
Rise And Fall - Our Circle Is Vicious
Pissed Jeans - King Of Jeans
The Twilight Sad - Forget The Night Ahead
The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart - S/T
Touche Amore - To The Beat Of A Dead Horse
White Lies - To Lose My Life

+ Paint It Black, Propagandi, Health, Blind To Faith, Blacklisted, Manchester Orchestra, The Horrors

Edit: +The Maccabees - Wall Of Arms, Another Breath - The God Complex

Dec 26, 2009

HOSPITAL CHRISTMAS

my eyes found a fix, a different one, a new one. anxiety or oxygen are dry blood, still liquidated in my hands.
i got a wheelchair and a human being to push me through the aisles.
i got intravenous injections and cortisone running through my blood.
i found new people to joke upon.
i have a list of people that i'm afraid to call nowadays.
every new day founds me asleep on my carpet, lonely, lonesome, a day closer to death.
post-hospital wounds added and a fear that other people might be more of a human than i will ever be.
yet i never heard something as beautiful as

four
wall
freedom

Dec 25, 2009

THE SNAKE OF THINGS TO COME

i'm guilty
like an empty bottle in a paperbag
cheap and not amusing
anyone
anymore
i was full of liquid
sweet alcohol
a sense pleaser
so aspiring and desired.

with such poor ways to hide myself
i don't know if it's my illusions working on me
or the world
drunken
/
sober
is constantly revolving around me
still possibly not

Dec 21, 2009

PARA/DOCS

hire me now
in a record store
with all the cobains
and the coltranes
and the strummers
and i'll be happy in-between the legacy of the dead

hire me now
in a field
watching the birds lair on my shoulders
as i stand still, imitating
a scarecrow

hire me now
to stand as a surveillance camera
in the hum of the city
cctv of other people's lives

hire me now
to play myself
the absolution in paradox
stalked the mistakes of other people's routine
in order to forget
mine

Dec 19, 2009

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS 7


DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
BAM DIM DAM DUM
HERCULES ABUSED MASTER ZEUS
NOW WE HAVE CAUGHT THE ALLIGATOR FROM THE JAWS

Dec 17, 2009

we are the leftovers of generation x
the generation "what?" with nothing left to protect
we serve the dominant's praise to an early grave
and rape each other to feed our satiate hate
society is chasing tranny prostitutes
but what's wrong with just a couple dudes
dressed as girls
playing stick and balls
after their 9 to 5 hell?

forfeit our generation with the respect it deserves
we are silhouttes flying blind to a freedom untied
but we've lost faith in anything divine
are we destined to raise our kids in diet soda and cable tv
or should we drag their bodies right into the body drop pit?

Dec 15, 2009

HIDE & SEEK

We found God
in the back of our minds
at the bottom of our bottles
in dirty urinals
in driver seats of crashed cars
in akward silences
and
heartattacks
in people dying at 23
in people dying at 33
in people dying from thirst
in people dying from lovethirst
in the photographs of our parents
happily lying on the grass
between the legs of our lovers
inside the velvet of our lungs
inside the jar that lies next to our bed where we put water and Dracula's teeth in case we choke during sleep or we wake up after another wet dream.

We found God in the lines of our hands
but, opened them all at once
because who desires perfection
when you got such an adventure
?

Dec 13, 2009

121209

Jon is far away
My friends live at a sidewalk
Modern girls are alcoholics
and i'm as betrayed as a nun in a monastery,
the day she found out that the priest has abandoned holiness and defrauded the church money.

Chris said the only thing he cares about is where and how he can find smokes. He meant it.

Then i fell asleep on my brother's bed and i woke up at 4am and went to fall asleep again on the couch till early in the morning. The other kids left a couple of minutes later.

Dec 12, 2009

thoughts on death

i masturbate
while listening to sounds of dolphins swimming
coming out of the speakers
from an old record they sold me for relaxing
and the cars are passing down the street,
so ordinary and so
compelling

thinking the fall off the balcony.
i jerk like i did
when i was 16
small teenage dumbhead
fat little kid with hyper hormone efficiency
and i throw my gum off the balcony.

the old lady sitting on the ground floor
became dead lady
two years ago.
she was collecting my gums
as i was jerking around.

now
who will collect my livers and lungs
when i fall off to the floor
like those chewing gums did
after i masturbated
when i was 16
?

Dec 10, 2009

marathon in the abattoir

on a december gold sweaty night
moon looking like an apple in decay
in a track & field
where runners run

and us in exercise pants
trying to build bodies
long before they rot
under the filthiest of blankets

capturing the fragments of
a forthcoming holocaust like
distance runners of a love affair baptized in sulfur and raw meat

Dec 7, 2009

χρυσές μέρες

Τα παιδια με τα κομμένα σορτσάκια ήταν πεινασμενα. Ολο το πρωί και κοιτούσαν τις πολυκατοικίες γύρω τους. Χάζευαν τις ταράτσες και τα μπαλκόνια και η κοιλιά τους γουργούριζε.
Είχαν βγεί για πατίνι και με τα σανίδια τους παραπεταμένα στο πλαι χαζευαν τα μπαλκόνια σαν γατιά που έρχοντε κάτω από το τραπέζι σου και νιαουρίζουν μέχρι να τους πετάξεις κανένα κομμάτι.
Ο ήλιος χτυπούσε τα πρόσωπα τους μα δεν είχε ζέστη. Ηταν Δεκέμβρης μα είχε αυτό το βόρειο ήλιο, τον αποπνυκτικό λευκό ήλιο που θαμπώνει τα μάτια σου και κάνει τα χρώματα στις φωτογραφίες κορεσμένα.
Αυτός ο ήλιος ήταν που τους έτρωγε τα στομάχια και τις καρδιές και τα σανίδια και τα παπούτσια τους που ήταν σκισμένα από το γυαλόχαρτο. Ήταν και τα μακριά μαλλιά, και το πάνκ ρόκ και ο γαμημένος ο Ρόλινς, ο Τζί Τζί Άλλιν και όλα τα βρωμόσκυλα της Καλιφόρνια και της Νέας Υόρκης που σε κάναν να νιώθεις μεγαλύτερη πείνα. Πείνα για να σπάσεις ό,τι βρείς ή για να πάρεις το πρώτο λεωφορείο και να πάς να τους βρείς λουσμένους από τον ήλιο της δυτικής ακτής ή ιδρωμένους στα πλακάκια του CBGB's.
Αυτοί που τα φτιάξαν και τα σπάσαν όλα. Μπορεί να ήταν τέλη του '80 μα ήταν κιόλας μύθοι από στόμα σε στόμα και δεν είχαν ψοφήσει από ναρκωτικά σαν βρωμιάρηδες χίπιδες της περασμένης δεκαετίας. Τρέχαν και τρέχαν σε κάθε κατηφόρα και σε κάθε πεζούλι και σπάγαν και ακόμη δεν είχε βγεί η γκράντζ. Ήταν αγνά τότε.
Ας ψοφάγαν της πείνας δεν τους πείραζε. Μπορεί να περνούσαν και 2 μέρες χωρίς φαγητό, μονάχα με κόκα κόλα και μπύρα. Σούρωμένη μπύρα σε μπουκάλι και απ'εξω χαρτοσακούλα. Τις κρύβαν στα υπόγεια και τις πίναν γουλιά γουλιά γιατί δεν βρίσκαν πάντα κανέναν να βουτήξουν και πια τους είχαν πάρει πρέφα με τις ψεύτικες ταυτότητες τους.
Φωνάζανε και γουργουρίζαν σαν τα γατιά κάτω από τα μπαλκόνια και βρίζαν που τους κλείσαν το υπόγειο που μαζευόντουσαν και παίζαν μουσική ή θορύβους μόνο και μόνο για να μπούν στο μάτι της γειτονιάς. Ποιός λοιπόν να τους ταίσει φαγητό?
Ήταν και πάλι μόνοι τους, χαζεμένοι από τον κόσμο και παρείσακτοι, λίγο σαστισμένοι από τις εξελίξεις, στραβωμένοι από την κοινωνία και πρεζωμένοι με μίσος και εφηβική οργή. Χωρίς να ξέρουν πώς να το εξηγήσουν. Δεν χρωστούσαν, δεν περίμεναν. Ένας τους έγραψε με σπρέι σε ένα τοίχο "ΓΑΜΗΘΕΙΤΕ" μόνο και μόνο για να μην πουν πως τελικά δεν κάναν και πάλι τίποτα. Τα παράτησαν μετά από λίγο και ξεκινήσαν να τσουλάνε και πάλι στις μεγάλες κατηφόρες και να ακόυν μουσική με μπόλικη παραμόρφωση και να φωνάζουν γιατί τα στομάχια τους ήταν και πάλι άδεια.

071209

Today i had this strange dream. Imagine that i was crossing horizontally a stone-grey pyramid and i was running and running and running, as fast as i could and i can't remember if i was wearing clothes or not.
At the end of the pyramid i saw a big cliff and as my sight met the end forward i decided to jump and not stop, so, i continued running and i jumped as far as i could and i found myself landing into deep water.
I remember i enjoyed whole process of the fall and every redeeming second of my swim and then i swam back for some time to the pyramid's shore and i was tumbling about in shallow water for some time and i was smiling. I watched myself splashing and chilling in the water. Imagine a picture somewhere between Casablanca and PJ Harvey's cover for "To Bring You My Love".
I was happy and smiling. At that time, the time that i might actually smile in real life, i woke up.
This might sound like another stupid joke, but, it ain't considering that i rarely see dreams nowadays. This dream probably makes that great impact to me probably because it's the only dream i can remember for a long time now.
So, i woke up, eyes closed, i swallowed a painkiller, simply like that, morning-painkiller-unconsiousness and with eyes closed i opened the fridge and got the bottle of the milk and i found out that it's empty.
Brother fucker drank the whole bottle of milk and left it empty inside the fridge. Goodmorning.

Dec 4, 2009

Dec 3, 2009

tania

tania was my dearest

we were high school friends
we haven't spoken in 4 years

she broke my heart
she stole money from my pants
she charged the last fuck
i heard that now she's a professional

come on darlin'
i'll buy you strawberry jelly
we'll just walk around the park
my memory is calling
my cock is burning
serve me your lovely little flower one more time
for old time's sake.
please,
please,
please...
me.

god's lesson.

always in your service for any cause
living miserably for a post-life applause.

heaven is just a wet dream miles away from us.
prophets introduced as modernised saints.
same story, two thousand years.
hiding your desire cause you're afraid of ghosts.
holy brothers empty your pockets as the vultures rip your flesh.

give up on me while you are young,
this is all i got to know from God.